Life with a toddler

Toddlers are often equal parts exasperation and humor. I have many stories of my toddler being hilarious.

This is not one of them.

Life with a toddler is interesting for various reasons:

  • If repetition is not your thing, you don’t want to converse with a toddler. As I type this, my toddler is “reading” a book. “Pear, Mama. Pear.. pear.. PEAR! Ma.. ma.. ma… ma. MA! Pear.” I’m looking straight at him and asking him “What? Yes… pear, honey. Good job… what? what? what? Yes. Pear.” Approximately 400 times a day.
  • I bought new measuring spoons because the last ones I bought had cheap paint or whatev and now I have to guess the sizes of them. Too much work for someone who doesn’t even like to cook things in the first place. Well the toddler discovered how fun (read: NOISY) the spoons are when they are all connected together on a ring and smacked together in the air. Needless to say, they are now Property of the Toddler.
  • My iPad Mini has 96 apps and six screens filled with those apps. One page and 20 apps are mine. Guess who owns the rest. 20 to the big kids and a zillion to the toddler.
  • My son has known his ABCs and numbers since 2. However, he is 3 (just turned a few weeks ago) and I have been trying to teach him how to spell. However, spelling means placing letters next to other ones where they do NOT go. Example: Boy can never be spelled b-o-y because B goes next to C, mama! and o goes next P, mama! Silly me.
  • It’s like living with someone who has OCD. Matchbox cars are lined up in a perfect line that stretches around the Earth 64 times. Any car that is removed induces a panic until said car is found. Same goes for letter blocks, crayons, etc. Objects are also constantly sorted by color and size.
  • You get scolded in a language you can’t even understand, though the meaning is usually clear: Toddler is pissed and misery loves company.

Shopping “fun”

This weekend it seemed like we were just constantly on the go… with kids. I know as a parent we are supposed to enjoy taking our kids with us where ever we go (really?)… but I would much rather just drop them off at my mother-in-law’s for a few hours while we run errands. We enjoy it. The grandparents enjoy it and the kids enjoy it. It just works.

Well. Saturday and Sunday were NOT one of those times. Saturday started off crappy due to a dumb argument with my husband. He was gone all morning with my oldest son at a wrestling tournament (second place!) and I THOUGHT we were in agreement that when he was done, he would pick me and the other two kids up, run the kids to my mother’s house, and then we would enjoy some MUCH NEEDED kids free time in the form of yummy dinner and a little shopping. Apparently in husband-speak this translated to: Hey! Why don’t you go to your friend’s house after being gone from 8am to 3pm and play video games for another two hours! Your wife won’t care AT. ALL.

Oh but she did care. So then I was pissed and said forget it, it’s already 6 and my mom doesn’t want the kids all night when she has plans early morning Sunday. I told her we would be there at 4, so of course by the time he got home around 5, I already had canceled with her. We (my husband, not my mom :P ) argued for a bit and eventually went to the city anyway, with all three kids. Two who were sleepy and cranky. Yay.

We went to Farm and Fleet (for rubbers – no not THAT kind, those I did tease my husband about it), two shirts for me, a toy for the oldest and youngest kid (middle one wisely decided to pass up the meager pickings at F&F and said he would get his toy at Wal-Mart), bird seed, and a few other odds and ends. After that we headed to Wendy’s, then to Mendards where my husband went looking for… snips I think, while the rest of us sat in the car and ate our food. Which basically means that I ate all my food and the kids ate approximately 20 fries between all three of them and maybe two chicken nuggets total then drove me bat shit crazy the rest of the time.

Wal-Mart was pretty quick and painless. We ended up with the new Monster High movie (daughter), yarn, diapers, cat food, and a few other things. I guess that visit was so easy for a reason because the next day we stupidly went back to get groceries and it was much worse. For starters, the toddler is at an age where he MUST. WALK. the entire store or be carried. Carts are evil and must be treated like such. The first half of shopping I managed to bribe him with a treat to sit in the cart and be good. I managed to find two new purses (quite a feat lately.. why are purses SO ugly these days?), 3 Minute Miracle for my poor bleached hair, hair clips because no matter how many I buy, my house or the kids seem to find a way to make them vanish without a trace, an Ethernet for the Direct TV modem that is longer than the stupid two feet cord they “generously” gave us which was laughably short since our modem is a good 16 feet away, and a bunch of groceries.

All was well until the treat was gone. Then all I heard was “Mama HOLD!” which lasts about five minutes before my poor weak arms give out. Up, down, up down.. that was the pattern for the last part of the shopping trip. Pleas of “Can Daddy hold you?” were answered with a loud “NO!” and pouty lip. By the time we got to the check out lines I was ready to scream or cry or flee the store forever. I thought it was over at that point but the toddler choose that moment to be helpful and grab at the divider that the shopper behind us placed on the belt of the register. I watched in horror as it hit one of the beautiful glass bottles she had. It toppled in slow motion and hit the floor with a loud crack. I was SO relieved that it didn’t shatter. I don’t think it even had a mark on it. I apologized over and over to the lady, who laughed it off and said it was okay. She even gave us change for a dollar when the cashier mistakenly closed the register without doing it. We cleared out pretty quickly after that. I wasn’t spending one more damn minute in that store.

New kid on the blog?

So… the first real entry on this blog. I feel slightly rusty and.. awkward. I need to get back in to the routine. I may have a new blog but I’m not ACTUALLY a new blogger. I started back in 2001 and blogged consistently til… oh, 2009 or so? I bounced around between five domains (one of which used to be this one). Before my domains I was on Deadjournal, Livejournal, and Diarlyland. After those I decided I wanted a real site. Sooo.. that began my super lame Geocities site. Complete with a hideous Avril layout! If you consider a layout to be a black and white photo with text underneath it. 

Oh yeah. It was amazing. After that I ‘created’ a layout using Photoshop and cutting out a photo of Xtina. I completely botched it and half of her arm was missing but I thought it awesome. Too bad I don’t have a photo of it still saved. It’s a real shame. ;) It (or I, rather..) got better after awhile. I moved to a hosted site at a domain that I can’t even recall the name of right now, then six months later I bought my first domain. And the rest is history. Literally… since I of course don’t have any of those blog entries saved. That part actually makes me a little sad. 

I guess I’m a new old blogger who is just missing that feeling of telling my thoughts to someone other than my husband or kids. If people read, fine. If not, okay. I promise it gets better than this though. ;) I’m pretty much just typing to get some feeling back in my hands. The stupid woodstove went out and I don’t really feel like walking outside at 3 AM just to carry wood in and fuck around with building a fire. Ah, country living…

Better go snuggle my warm husband in bed.